17. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Ever. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Because guess what? but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! -Got her pregnant Move forward with your life. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. They were broken up so he had no obligation to the LW. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. Mostly for the kid though, I think. You mean, he should decide whether or not he leaves a kid constantly yearning for attention theyll never get? female It means he or she will know their father, in a sense, and will also have the opportunity to believe that their father just simply didnt want to have anything to do with them. April 10, 2012, 10:20 pm. Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! lets_be_honest Not everyone believes that. Dont engage in the action. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! Now I also believe that the LW is exposing herself to STDs not this guy, because she knows that he had unprotected sex with another women, and she still chooses to be with him either way. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. Neither one of THEM created a child. female SweetsAndBeats You deserve each other! Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. Hes allowed to not want to be a father! And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. End of story. Their choice, honey. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. While youre at it make sure to pop out a few more kids yourself, too. Adoption is a completely different matter. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. landygirl He didnt expect that to happen. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. Putting that opinion into action with either government or private coercion is that to which we have no right. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. The fact that a child is adopted does not somehow guarantee the theyll be cared for. April 9, 2012, 9:23 pm. BUT. Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. If you cant handle the idea that this could happen, then wrap it up, or dont have casual sex. And what few you do procreate will become part of the growing criminal element, as they have no strong father-figure to teach them how to be part of successful society. The pull out method? By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. Maam, hes made a choice. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. Is this a valid summary? I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. Does that change the situation as all? When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. Theres a fun scenario. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. Scan this QR code to download the app now. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. Welcome to parenthood. One is right next to me . Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. Way to break a young girl's heart. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. It seems they are in a good place now, but I checked my mans texts and she still flirts with him and tries to get him back. Originally i had used much more crass language and forgot to delete the apology ooops! Typical female (notice I didnt use the word woman, because she isnt grown up enough to be one) wants to control every man and every bank account around her. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? iseeshiny If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. Its only when a baby is involved is when men come to their senses and then have so much things to say like I didnt mean to hurt you, I barely knew her, or the famous line I was drunk. The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. Dude, thats seriously out of line. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. RunsWithScissors Its fucking simple. These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. "Cry, vent and . I have no problem with single people with children who put their kids above the girlfriend/boyfriend and at the beginning of the adjustment period, over the new spouse. It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. April 10, 2012, 9:46 pm. Again, no. Women are more easily able to get custody? First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. Whats your lawyers address? The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Seriously, this makes my blood boil. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. Just sayin. I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. You wouldnt need to administer it. April 10, 2012, 4:35 pm. Having legal custody doesnt guarantee you or prevent you from paying support. Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. Even if she was taking it appropriately (same time every day, no antibiotics interfering, etc), it still isnt 100% effective. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. lets_be_honest Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? I never really got over him and he never got over me. Woah. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. lets_be_honest Category Convertible. For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up! He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says Im right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. Your welcome. You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? We only have sex if were ready to be a father? it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. Consider that this is the kind of guy that has casual sex with people he doesnt really know/like while on break from a relationship with someone he cant live without. But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? bittergaymark Hey I have a novel idea. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. They Didn't "Win". April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Thats the risk that you take. He didnt. My heart broke into a million pieces. Get your hands off my uterus! I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. I think what you are forgetting in all of this is that a child is not a peanut. thus why I said troll label aside. Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday. Share your opinions and thoughts below! at risk of STDs. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. WTH is that?! when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. haha I agree. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. It just pays. ago. female He has to fit the baby into their life, not the other way around. I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. .. but what if she did deceive him? he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. Made my day! April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. I think its the first time I am hearing someone smear another person for NOT having an abortion. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. However, I do find your mindset to be telling: And yet you still have sex with us The implication being that if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. I make no exception for men or women. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A I know Im not, but thats mainly because Im in a foul mood and feel feisty. religiously wear condoms. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. The only one who we know is expecting him to be a father is the letter writer. That is a risk women take. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. bittergaymark People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . SweetsAndBeats Do something to not have one! iseeshiny There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. landygirl Going through a breakup can be tough.It can leave you feeling restless and struggling to fill the white space left behind by the relationship. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! Thats seriously not cool. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. Its fucking unfair. Thanks. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. Doesnt have to be romantically involved with this woman, but he wants nothing to do with the child that he helped to create, or the woman he cant stand. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. They look at it as their child, no matter who the mother is. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. But there is a happy ending to this story. Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. Not good enough. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. No. All my friends want me to leave him, saying it's not worth it anymore. He did help create it. And as far as that man saying that he wants nothing to do with the woman or THE BABY shame on him. But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. PS.
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